Funniest Thing

No “air fluff” cycle?

April, 2022 Issue

This month’s winner KEVIN EDWARDS of Albuquerque, New Mexico:

Some 10 years ago I went to France with my wife, my sister and my brother-in-law. We enjoyed the sights in Paris for several days, then decided to visit Giverny, the house and gardens of the French Impressionist painter Claude Monet.

After taking the train to Vernon, the nearest town to Giverny, we decided to walk the 6 kilometers to the site, but before starting off, my sister and my wife needed to use the toilet. Fortunately, there was a modern pay toilet by the Vernon train station.

The toilet cost one euro, and between the four of us we had exactly a single one-euro coin. Of course, there were two needing to use the facilities, so my sister said to my wife, “Look, I’ll go in, and when I’m done, I’ll come out and hold the door open for you and then you can go in and use it.”

My sister went in, used the facilities, then held the door open for my wife. My wife entered, closed the door and, suddenly, inside, all the lights went out, and liquid disinfectant began to spray all over the room and all over my wife. She began to yell, “Help me get out of here!”

We tried to open the door, but there was nothing that could be done from outside, and we didn’t have another euro to get the door open. Finally, she realized she could open the door from the inside, and she emerged… wet and embarrassed.

Crime doesn’t pay.

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing or billing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

Franc discussion

March, 2022 Issue

This month’s winner is ED GRAPER of Goleta, California:

A bit ago I was sitting on a bench in front of Café Lenôtre, near rue Cler in Paris, enjoying one of their amazing pastries when I was forcefully accosted by a beggar. Recognizing me as a foreigner, in perfect English he demanded money.

Thinking “How can I escape?”, I decided to be clever. I responded in my second language, Spanish.

His demands continued, without a missing a breath, in perfect Spanish!

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing or billing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

Breakthrough in communication

February, 2022 Issue

This month’s winners are JENNIE and DENZIL VERARDO of Elk Grove, California:

Following a trip to the Loire Valley, we had returned via high-speed train to the Montparnasse rail station in Paris. We hailed a taxi, and Jennie explained in French where we wished to be taken.

When the driver didn’t understand, we thought Jennie might have mispronounced the location, so she handed the driver the hotel’s card.

He looked at it, said, “Oh,” then carefully read it out loud, a syllable at a time.

It was only then that we realized he didn’t speak French! We conversed in English the remainder of the way.

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing or billing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

 

Chance meeting

December, 2021 Issue

This month’s winner is JIM ROYLE of San Diego, California:

On a trip around southwestern Western Australia in 2009, I got to the town of Esperance, with plans to visit Cape Le Grand and Cape Arid national parks. I intended to camp but wasn’t sure if there would be space in the campground at the more remote Cape Arid. If there wasn’t, I knew I wouldn’t have time to drive all the way back before dark. Ideally, I wanted to spend the night somewhere between the two parks. To see if there was any such place, I visited the Visitor Information Centre in Esperance.

Browsing the racks in the VIC, I came across a brochure for the Orleans Bay Caravan Park, which met my requirements; I could camp there. Turning over the brochure, I learned that the place was run by Chris and Guy Royle. Then I knew I had to stop there.

Pulling into the caravan park after a pleasant visit to Cape Le Grand, I found the office closed but managed to find someone to check me in. As he began the process, I said, “Are you Guy Royle? My name’s Jim Royle.”

He replied something like, “No kidding? My Dad’s name is Jim!”

Guy then called in his mother, and we compared notes about from where in England our families came.

She wanted me to meet her husband, so I drove her to the pier, where he was helping clean the day’s catch. We went through the same discussion of where our families were from, and I mentioned that my father and grandfather were also named James.

He looked at me and said, “My middle name’s William. What’s yours?”

It’s William.

I’d traveled 9,000-plus miles to meet someone with my own name.

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing or billing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

 

Her Polish not so polished

November, 2021 Issue

This month’s winner is ROGER ECKER of Alameda, California:

The Soviet Union had collapsed and travel had opened up. My wife, Judy, and I, along with two of my brothers and their wives, rented a van in Vienna and traveled for several days through the Czech Republic, Poland. Slovakia and Hungary. In Poland, we arrived in Kraków in time for lunch at our hotel, the Holiday Inn.

Our waiter was lively, friendly and talkative. We learned that he had recently returned from exile in Paris, now that the borders were open.

My sister-in-law wanted to order iced tea with her lunch, but he did not seem to understand. My wife had been to Kraków with Project Hope and knew a little Polish, so she tried “herbata” (tea) and “zimno” (cold), but without result. I tried my French. No comprehension.

The waiter became thoughtful for a moment, then his face lit up with understanding. He turned, went to the kitchen and returned triumphantly with a pot of hot tea and a bowl of ice cream!

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

Good student

October, 2021 Issue

This month’s winner is CAROL PEIM, from Hendersonville, NC:

In March 2019 I was in Australia buying boulder opals. They are opals that are still encased in brown stone. I asked the owner of the store what the brown stone was called and she said, “Einstein.” I looked puzzled and asked why it was called that and she just said that that was its name.

When I went to another store and they asked if I knew what the brown stone around the opal was called, I proudly answered, “Einstein.”

She smiled and said, “Yes, that’s right, ironstone.”

Go figure accents.

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing or billing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

Flattery will get you nowhere

September, 2021 Issue

This month’s winner is RUSSELL GLUCK of Franklin Lakes, New Jersey:

My wife and I have observed that, during our travels abroad, the local guides generally have spoken English quite well, although they often had difficulties with idioms. An example of this occurred a few years ago while we were visiting China, where the guide’s command of English appeared to be excellent.

Our group had just gotten onto the tour bus in Beijing when one of our fellow travelers said something very complimentary to the guide. We all burst out laughing when she responded, “Oh, you’re just trying to smear me with butter!”

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing or billing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

 

The measure of a man

August, 2021 Issue

This month’s winner is RON OAKHAM of Phoenix, Arizona:

My long-time friend and travel companion, Mike, and I had arranged, via ToursByLocals.com, to take a privately guided tour in the ancient port city of Hoi An, Vietnam, during a port call at Da Nang on our January 2019 Southeast Asia cruise.

One stop on our tour was at a silk factory to view the whole process of making silk, from nurturing silkworms to very artistic finished products. Of course, the tour ended in the sales department.

One of the salesladies, seeing Mike looking at their selection of shirts, asked if he would like to buy a silk shirt. Mike, who is a very big man (and claims he is “in shape,” since round is a shape), responded that they probably didn’t have a shirt that would fit him. The saleslady assured him that they did, and another saleslady brought out an extra-extra-large shirt. Indeed, it didn’t fit.

Quickly, the saleslady said, “This is not a problem. We do make Buddha size also.”

Everyone laughed, and Mike, intrigued by imagining himself as a Buddha, told them to begin measuring. Before leaving Hoi An, Mike had his custom-made silk shirt in hand for just $70.

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

Extricating yourself from a tight situation

July, 2021 Issue

This month’s winner is SONIA IBANEZ of Rego Park, New York:

Some time ago, my partner and I visited the Dominican Republic. Our resort by the beach was about 30 minutes from the capital, Santo Domingo. After an unpleasant incident with a taxi driver returning us from the downtown area, the next day we decided to try the public bus system, which had a stop right by our resort.

Since our destination was the last stop on the bus route, we sat in the very back seat, where we found another person already sitting by the window. As the bus was filling in with passengers, we noticed that in each row, by the aisle, there was a small folding seat that could be pulled out so people could sit when the rows were full rather than stand on the aisle. Even before we reached our final stop, the bus was packed.

Now and then, somebody would yell “Stop!”, and at the next stop, the driver would allow whomever wanted to get off to do so.

To our surprise, well before we reached the last stop, the person sitting next to us by the window called for the bus to stop. We wondered how on Earth this person was going to get through the packed bus to reach the front exit.

The bus stopped where it should, and our seat mate just stood up and jumped out the window.

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.

 

Where is he taking us?

June, 2021 Issue

This month’s winner is MARY HESSE JENKINS of Santa Rosa, California:

Many years ago, I hitchhiked from Egypt to Morocco with my boyfriend. In Nabeul, Tunisia, we were picked up by this fellow about 30 years old. His English was only fair, but he mentioned something about Christmas and having a wife and two babies and not much money.

After about 15 miles, our driver veered off the main road and went down a dirt road. I whispered to my friend, “What is he doing? I’m scared.”

A little way down the dirt road, he stopped the car, opened the trunk and got out an axe. I was almost crying. I was petrified.

The man sauntered off into the forest, then came back with a Christmas tree. How do you spell RELIEF?!

Tell us about something humorous that happened to you while traveling outside the United States. There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged.